-How y’all doing? -I’m just waiting on my Lyft. I didn’t wanna drink and drive. Should be here any second. The reason of being responsible is because I’m doing beer yoga, which means you do yoga and drink beer at the same time. This is a real thing. It exists. It’s not fake. Me, Chance
THANK YOU VERY MUCH! WELCOME TO THE “LATE SHOW.” THANK YOU SO MUCH! THAT’S A THURSDAY CROWD. THAT’S ELECTRIC! THOSE ARE PEOPLE ALIVE ON THIS PLANET RIGHT NOW. WELCOME TO “THE LATE SHOW,” FOLKS. I’M STEPHEN COLBERT. HAPPY GROUNDHOG DAY! HOW’S EVERYBODY DOING ON GROUNDHOG DAY! I DON’T KNOW IF YOU SAW THE LATE-BREAKING NEWS,
And action! That’s right… behind me and above me is the original Twin Cities, Sodom and Gomorrah. Apparently, it was a pretty wicked place. How wicked? Well let’s just say that what happened in Gomorrah, stayed in Gomorrah. That is until God got wind of it, so he sent two angels to investigate. Now the
A Mathematical problem: In a certain country in a troubled post colonial region of the world, Some political somersaults took place which affected the way of life in said country. It included the following instances: One: Sayed is a humble taxi driver of limited means, education, awareness, health and intellect. A group of rascals jumped
– Whoa, double black diamond, I’m in Salt Lick Shitty, Utah. Home of the… Olympics one time. Let’s go see if we can smooch a Marmon and have a good time. Uh oh, come help, I’m underwater. Not literally of course. Here it is, Temple Square. Let’s go see what all the fuss is about.
Hang on a second. Loop quantum gravity clearly offers more testable predictions than string theory. I’m listening. Amuse me. Okay, well for one thing, we expect quantized space-time to manifest itself as minute differences in the speed of light for different colors. Balderdash. Matter clearly consists of tiny strings. Are you gonna let him talk
Stop going forward, what are you doing? He has to lean forward. Arghhhhhhhhhh (Sexy Music) Oh my god bro, you have that crazy look in your eye like you’re about to fly. I am about to fly. Aye yo Good Morning Logang What’s Poppin’ Bro, your car’s farting bro No, that’s me yeah hey i
>>Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY! WELCOME BACK. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS AN ACTOR AND COMEDIAN WHO IS ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR STAND-UPS IN THE WORLD. HE NOW STARS IN THE NEW FILM “AMERICAN DREAMER.” PLEASE WELCOME BACK TO “THE LATE SHOW,” MR. JIM GAFFIGAN. ♪ ♪ ♪ ( APPLAUSE )>>THANK YOU!>>Stephen: THANK