How Betrayal Bonds Keep You Chained to the Narcissist

welcome back this is kim saeed of helping you break free from narcissistic abuse with the mix of
science and spirituality. if that sounds like something you’re interested in make
sure that you hit the subscribe button and click the little Bell so YouTube
will notify you when I publish a new video. when we think of trauma we don’t
typically think of betrayal as being a source of it maybe your partner is
calling you names disrespecting your boundaries using you for money or maybe
they even slept with your neighbor. and your friends keep telling you to leave
them. or maybe your mom insults your appearance and causes a rift all the
time between you and your siblings. and everyone’s telling you that this
relationship is not healthy and you need to set boundaries, but you never do.
instead what happens is you might start to spend less time with your friends and
more time with the narcissists in your life. if this sounds like your life it
could be that betrayal bonds are the glue that’s keeping you trapped in the
narcissistic vortex. betrayal bonds are a form of brainwashing that thrives on
breaking spoken and unspoken contracts and intimate relationships where Trust
is required. and make no mistake you can’t move forward from betrayal bonds
if you don’t actively accept that it’s happening. unfortunately many people in
toxic relationships tend to form a tolerance against repeated betrayals.
this is especially common for those who are dependent upon the narcissist in
their lives for finances housing or employment. for many, pushing betrayal out
of one’s conscious awareness is a form of survival but unfortunately over time
it does become toxic to the targeted individual on a mental physical and
spiritual level. so in today’s video you are going to learn nine signs
and symptoms of betrayal bonds and what you can do to move forward. what are
betrayal bonds? Narcissists use betrayal trauma as reinforcement to control their
targets. imagine you and a friend were in a car accident together your friendship
strengthens after the accident because you both went through a traumatic
experience together. but this kind of trauma isn’t rooted in betrayal.
narcissists use betrayal trauma to manipulate and control your emotions.
the narcissist knows triggering fights digging up your deepest fears and
cheating on you repeatedly is powerful. these events stir up your emotions. the
narcissist understands that the trauma will make you feel emotions like shame
guilt and worthlessness. that’s the whole point however it goes deeper than that
narcissists also understand that the deep valleys of trauma leave you craving
the positive peaks too. they hold their superficial emotions like love and
gratitude hostage and dole them out and insignificant amounts to keep you
begging for more. think of it this way, going through the cycle of narcissism is
a form of love addiction. when someone is hooked on a substance, it’s fun at first,
that’s why they start using. however their tolerance builds as they continue.
eventually they build a dependence. they have more bad days staving off
withdrawal than good days getting high. in the depths of the narcissistic cycle
you’re in the dependent stage of addiction. the narcissist gives you tiny
hits of love while flooding you with trauma most of the time. an example of
this would be their making a promise to you that they’ll stop being unfaithful
but later you discover they never stopped. it’s critical you realize that
these hits of love are not genuine there’s simply a strategic part of
betrayal bonds. betrayal bonds, trauma Stockholm Syndrome betrayal bonds trauma bonding. these are all terms describing
similar phenomena. trauma bonds are vital for narcissist to manipulate your
emotions thoughts and actions. it’s like being in a cult. the narcissist thrives
on the attention you give them during trauma they love that you care so much
to fight back argue and defend yourself so they can keep tearing you down it’s
what they live for they also love that the trauma
strengthens the bond you share surely you wouldn’t put up with this behavior
from anyone else surely you must care deeply for them if
you haven’t left they’ll use this as evidence to claim your relationship is
intimate and unlike anything else they’ll tell you other people can’t
understand the complexities and layers you experienced together and so you
isolate yourself you stop talking to your friends you spend all your time
energy and thoughts on the narcissist the manipulation starts to seem normal
and you assume this is as good as it gets
drama bonding and the path to betrayal betrayal bonds are vital components of
brainwashing narcissists isolate their victims devalue their identity and
subject them to a traumatic event the goal is to normalize the manipulation so
the victim won’t see a problem and possibly leave narcissists follow a
similar strategy with trauma bonding this is called the path to betrayal it
begins with the Falls honeymoon period the narcissist first need you to falsely
believe they’re compassionate and loving they’ll shower you with gifts and
attention they’ll make you believe your soulmates what you remember as an
enthralling and joyful period of the relationship was actually a ruse of
emotional manipulation to rope you into the narcissist trap it’s also what
activates the arousal neuro pathway of addiction initial trauma a narcissist
will begin testing your boundaries with insults backhanded compliments or
slights on your character they want to see how you react so they know if you’re
a good supply for long-term manipulate once they’ve been cleared for the
initial trauma they will begin upping the ante to gauge just how far they can
go slowly like the metaphor of the boiled frog you will begin tolerating
higher levels of betrayal and trauma gaslighting if you defend yourself
after the initial trauma the narcissist will attempt to manipulate your thoughts
and emotions with gaslighting they’ll try to convince you that you took their
words the wrong way or that they didn’t actually mean what they said or did when
it comes to narcissist prospective sight is always the end goal narcissists don’t
want you to think for yourself they want you to think for them more trauma
now that the narcissist knows you’ll tolerate they’re gaslighting they’ll
kick their manipulation up a few notches narcissus often wait until you’re in a
vulnerable position before they start their most intense power plays such as
after marriage living together or moving far away from your support system
minimizing and projecting in addition to constant gas lighting the narcissist
will also follow up intense manipulation by minimizing it and projecting it back
onto you the narcissist will tell you they are actually the victim and what
they did or said wasn’t so bad the recycled honeymoon by this point the
initial honeymoon of the relationship is gone and you find yourself suffering
from worthlessness guilt and isolation you welcome the short bursts of love the
narcissist gives out in tiny pieces in between fights these instances of false
kindness and life are important for reinforcing the betrayal bonds repeated
cycle of trauma the cycle of trauma gas lighting and manipulation and
relationship maintenance continues indefinitely until you leave or the
narcissist discards you for a new supply what do betrayal bonds feel like nine
signs and symptoms betrayal bonds are tough to spot while you’re in the grip
of the narcissistic vortex after all the whole point is to brainwash you here are
a few symptoms and signs you’re in the midst of trauma bonding
one you defend justify or explain the narcissists sadistic behavior to friends
and family two you’ve given up explaining the manipulation and isolated
yourself from your support system often at the narcissist suggestion or demand
three you expect the narcissist will change one day even though they keep
repeating the same toxic behaviors for fights or unproductive that’s by design
there’s no healthy communication and the narcissist always turns your words
around five the narcissist is always the victim even when you bring up a
clear-cut situation in which they hurt you you may be mislabeled as the
manipulator 6 you fixate on the narcissist good usually shallow
qualities like their natural talents money job or social status 7 you find
yourself mourning the pilot stages of their relationship and believe things
can go back to the way they were during the initial false honeymoon stage
8 you hide the narcissus most vicious behaviors out of embarrassment or fear 9
you’ve accepted this situation as your fate you assume no one will ever love
you like the narcissist how to start breaking the betrayal bonds and begin
recovery the first step is to accept the narcissists will not change if they
could change they would have or at least made some effort narcissus have no
intention of changing for the better they only throw you crimes of false
affection as a payoff to keep you hooked and solidified betrayal bonds its
strategic and contrived next it’s important to talk to someone you trust
about your situation candidly the narcissist has strategically isolated
you from your support system to avoid this reach out to old friends or find
new ones you trust avoid sharing with anyone who invalidates your experience
or tells you you’re too sensitive if you can’t leave yet don’t fight back the
narcissist thrives on fighting to solidify trauma bonds ignore them or
give one-word answers finally the only way
free yourself from trauma bonding is to go no contact for good if you share
custody with the narcissist in your life extreme modified contact should be
implemented a comprehensive recovery program is critical to avoid falling
into the trap of betrayal bonds in the future if you’re ready to start healing
from the chains of trauma bonds and move forward with real narcissistic abuse
recovery sign up for my essential break free boot camp to develop the tools you
need thank you so much for watching till the end while you’re here make sure you
don’t forget to check down in the description box below this video because
I’ve included lots of helpful links for you including two of the articles that
were referenced in the video that’s all for today and I hope to see you in the
next video you

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